Hey people! Hope you all had a great week… I know weekends are more hectic than weekdays – cleaning, washing, cooking, shopping groceries and finally no rest at all 😦 . Here is something to make you feel light… I am back, a little free from my project and classes, to share with you, some funny incidences, just to lift your spirits and prepare you for the next week’s work at office – Ipidi daan Indian economy will get boosted, when the working class works enthusiastically ( my project report la idhu daan solli addi vaanginen guide kiterndhu 😛 ) . Join me for some fun, leg pulling , loads of laughter and yes, might tickle your thoughts a little… 😛
Few days ago, I had accompanied my parents to a wedding…It was on a Sunday… My Mind voice was cursing my akka , she escaped from coming to the wedding telling that she had to prepare for the next day’s board meeting at office… I know she played Candy crush on Fb…. I was the “Bali aadu/ Scape Goat” . I had to go… I dressed up in my best Kanjivaram Saree (Flashback – “Meenu, Kalyanam muhurtham ku podavai kattiko, andha Mumtaz madri Anarkali potundu odd ah irukaadhe, thalai cut pannindrukai nu viruchu potukaadhe, periyavaa irupa anga, enga maanatha kappal la yethaade…Ozhunda Adakam Odhukama Vaa, seriya?” – My Amma was giving lecture on dressing up). My face was like this -> 😦 😦 … and again amma told “Sidu moonji vechikadhe, sport a smile and come with us. I tried my best not to grit my teeth in anger- My one and only one Sunday was getting ruined, the drive to the Kalyana Mandapam was very long, Bleddy rains, made Hyderabadi roads absolutely Puke-able . My plans to sleep for extra 1 hour got spoilt, I wanted to watch a movie online, that also full flop. We were getting down from the car when Amma got down and “Indha jeans um t-shirt um potundu romba kettu poidardhugal kuttigal..Naaliki un kalyanathilayum 9 gajam Madisar vida Pattu trouser um Pattu T-shirt um potu vidaren iru” thittifyingly seri aakified my saree’s fall… I was almost embarrassed at the gate. I knew, I was going to face more crap…
Now, dear readers, Brace yourselves to know the type of Relatives I have…
As soon as we entered into the hall, there was this Panneer thelikara cousins…. So here we go,
Type 1 – Panneer sprinkler Cousins: Girls dressed in Pattu Paavadai Daavani, hardly in college and high school are given the job of panneer sprinkling. Here, the situation was different, these girls were actually busy on their girly- discussions and posing for photographs.. As usual the ANNOYING HAND ON HIP pose…. And some guys, were seen flirting with these girls.. I saw waterfalls flowing from their mouth… These girls, totally forget what duty they have been given… So much of Panneer waste-u, po!
Type 2 – Voluntary Reception Committee Members: These relatives, no matter how much ever distant relative’s marriage it is, they do the work of Receptionist. As soon as some one enters, they wish you with a “Good morning” and inform the others that you have arrived – As if we haven’t got an appointment to greet the newly-weds 😛 .
Type 3 – Aathuku Periyava- Safety lockers: Some 70+ aged periyava, dressed in cotton Madisar or Pancha, sit in some corner of the kalyana mandapam, taking care of their grand children. Bags, slippers and all are left with these people, when the others go on the kalyana stage or to meet others. These people are the ones who get most tired, blessing every one who fall on their feet. My amma and appa asked me also to bend, like, to almost 10 of them sitting in different corners and rooms of the kalyana mandapam, to seek blessings ” Seekram kalyanam aagattum noku” and compliments that include hugs and kisses from very sweet paatis ” Ethra azhaga irukai di kozhandei nee, unga amma chinnapo ipidi daan irundaa” and some spice from thathas ” Unga appa ipidi daan gaeli panni pesuvan, avanodu korangu thanam ellam noku apdiye vandhirukku”. No, I did not miss my gym that day, so much of bending must have burnt more calories, than,that I’d burn on my daily workout sessions 😛 . But I did feel nice seeing many thathas and Paatis, I did not miss my thatha and Pechammai that day ❤ .
Type 4- Ever-youth Aunties and Uncles : Some 45+ aunties and uncles, dressed in their best sexiest-semi-traditional outfits. They are usually seen as couples, posing to be the best “love-jodi” and still young after 20 yrs of marriage… Some even koo-chi-koo and show PDA there – Un-Sahikable of all you know!
Type 5- Advisers, Flirts, Show off-ers and Vetty Fellows : When you attend a kalyanam, you are introduced to a new group of cousins….
Advisers-The 28-30 yr old cousins, usually Foreign return- jobless-or IITians, dressed up in Veshti, with thin rimmed specs, advice you about career, research, life, philosophy and what not! These guyz are mostly the center of attraction among fat-flabby aunties and uncles, pecked and followed to get married to their daughters.
Flirts – The not so handsome according to me, type of guys, feel off like they are Manmadhans and Kameshwarans. Buffaloes! They flirt with every possible girl in the kalyanam…. As if their only purpose is to “Pataofy” a girl in the kalyana mandapam… I find these guys are like those dogs, which chase vehicles, with no intention of driving them. I am always a Lady Hitler to these Flirts, they hate me to the core coz I ridicule them a lot – Who cares? 😛
Show off-ers- Uff, these girls, mostly my age (22-25) , when I think I can break the ice with some good general topic, all they blabber is about their boy friends, shopping, slippers, nail-polish…Some half-mad and 3/4th Mad girls end up being Price Tags yaar! All they speak is about the branded accessories they bought…. I can’t help laughing wickedly, knowing from where they actually purchased the so-called Branded stuff 😛 😀 .
Vetty-Fellows – I love this , “my-type” cousins… They are cool, fun and above all, they join me in making fun of people 😛 .
Type 6- Gossip Box, Suggestion box, Double meaners, Loud mouth and Boasters :
Gossip Box: Mostly mamis who gossip about anyone, no matter they know the person or not…They make great story writers 😛 .
Suggestion box: These are mamis and mamas who keep giving useless suggestions… Like, if you wear a saree and you plait your hair, they say “konjam poo vechundrukalam ayirundhuthu” and you are like “nods head like a boom boom maadu” to all that they say.
Double meaners : They are the most idiotic people, you’d ever get to see in this world. Anything you speak, they mean it the other way round. You talk to a guy and they say “eyy eyy, enna maa, romba otti otti nikkarai, enna un aala ivan” and you are like “huh, paithyama, he is my bro”!
Loud Mouth: Their voices are so loud, that even when you tell a very personal secret, it doesn’t remain one! They whisper so loud…Their voices are heard louder than the Ghetti-melam and nadaswaram. 😛
Boasters: The most ANNOYING, IRRITATING, BLEDDY CREATURES you ever get to see in the gatherings. Be it a wedding or a funeral, they just can’t stop boasting about their children, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law, husband, mamiyar, mamanar and even their Dog’s poop! They boast so much and compare their pet dog’s poop with that of your pet’s, that you sometimes end up feeling guilty or at least think for a moment that your Pet is a constipate! 😛
Type-7 The Good , Bad and Worst eaters : I never compromise when it comes to food… Enga pona enna, Kalyanam nu vandha, nambalukku soru thaan mukhiyum 😀 . There are these Good eaters, who make a great company for you while eating.
There are these bad eaters, who stare at your plate or plantain leaf while you are relishing a good dish and make constipate-acidity-fart from mouth- faces…It is so irritating that at some point you feel like slapping them hard on their face and tie their eyes up and continue relishing the mysour-turned mysore pak.
Worst eaters are worser than worst! They eat and make a mess on the table or floor, so much that you end up puking on your plate. These people really need a “good table manners” orientation class.
There are many more crazy relatives who pose like Singers, Dancers, Highest officials, Match makers etc., about whom, you all already know….
So, these are the types of relatives I have… I know, you too will have similar people in your families, without these people, we seriously wouldn’t have so much to get irritated, crib or laugh about. Our relatives are unique, irritating and at the same time, very funny people, without them , any function, funeral or any public gathering is incomplete…..
Note: If any reader finds his/her character matching with the stereotypes I have mentioned, don’t run around to hit me 😛 😛 😛
Keep laughing and Spread laughter…
Meenu (Aarya) .