Amarkalam Matrimony

We are Seriously searching matches for akka. Usually all the conversations start through phone calls…. intha Ranagalathilayum oru kilikilippu venum iliya?  Adhaan, ippo further ah padichunkongo….

One mama calls from some place

Mama: Hello…..neengal Prem Kumar aah?

Appa: Amam naan daan pesaren chollungo

Mama: Onga ponnodu Jadagam enga pullai kooda nanna chendruku…

Appa : Oh, Apdiya, Nalla vishayam daane…

Mama : Enga pullai MS panni nalla velai la irukaan, nanna sambadhikaran…Onga ponnu ku nanna poruthama irukum

Appa: Mama onga pullai odu height ennadhu?

Mama : Anju adi aaru angulam 5.6′ ft. Nanna jammunu Aajanu baahu va irupan

Appa : Sorry mama, enga ponnu 5.9’ft, naaliki kuttigalukulla complex vara pdadhu iliya?

Mama (in a very angry tone): Enna apdi chollarel? En pullai ki azhagula enna korachal, jadagam nanna chendrukke, height enna periya height vechu  kadaku?

Appa (already irritated) : Onga kulla pullaiya naangal enna idupula eduthundu nadaka chollarela? Vena chollungo, neku ok daan..naaliki ungaluku problem illena namba proceed pannalaam!    😀

 

One Mami from Palakkad calls up for the jadagam…. Naan kizha room lendhu phone lift panna ponappo my akka lifted the call already…thinking she only rang up via the intercom…..

Akka: Hello

Me : Chollu di Chakka Poththey….. (Chakka Potthey is a Malayalam word, which means a thick skinned buffalo)

Akka: Enna di naaye,

In between a voice

“Helloooo Idhu J******i oda Amma va?

Akka : Illai, J******i daan dee pesaren…enna kural maathi pesina neku teriyadhu nu nanachundiya di??

Mami merandu poi keeps the phone down……

 

Oruka, oru mami called up….Appovum naan daan phone eduthen…..

Mami : Hello….. Naan daan Hyderabad lerndhu moti nagar lendhu pesaren…. Unga ponnu ku jadagam paakarel iliya?

Me: Amam…Naan avalodu thangai pesaren

Mami: Oh apdiya…Nee enna pannarai?

Me: Mami, vishyatha chollungo, I am outside right now…Aathuku poi Amma ta pesa chollaren….

Mami: Illa ma, naane landline ku call pannaren…. (And she starts telling storues about her some mamas paiyan’s peran…) Avan jammunu irupan, car elam vechundrukan sondhama..valavalavalavalavalavala………
My Mind voice : Shobbaaa…..

Me: Mami, sorry, naangal Palakkad daan prefer pannarom…

Mami: Un peru enna ma?

Me: Meenakshi

Mami : Nee Meenakshi ah Sukku podi Meenakshi ya?

And she laughs madly….

Me: Mami, unga details kudungo, naan aproma aathuku poi amma ta pesa chollaren….

Mami: En peru Sundri Venkatroman….

Me: Mami, neengal  verum Sundriya illai Swapna Sundriya?

Mami keeps the phone in disgust 😀 😀 😀

 

Today….

Appa brings Hindu paper and asks me : “Kutta tereko malum hai mein yeh Hindu Paper kyun laya?”

Me: “Vera enna, aarodaadhu obituary paarkarthuku ayirukum”

Appa: “Chee, Kandravy janmame, onnodu akkaku edhadhu matches vandruka nu classifieds la paarkarthuku konduvanden di”

Me: “Oh appo Kalyana Chaavu daan aarodadhum”

Amma : “Enaku nu indha madri oru janmam vandhu vaachuruke..”   😛 😛 😛

 

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Ipdi daan naan ukkandhu, porummaiya ennodu chella akka ku Maplai theduven

 

 

Kalyanam-Kalakkal Kalyanam

Ellarukkum Namaskaaram…. After 1 maasam… Blog ezhudaren… Yeah, I know most of you might be thinking “Ayyo Ramachandra, indha Mosquito thollai arambichuduthu” .

EEEH 😀 I am here only to trouble you, tickle your brains and enjoy watching some of my dear mamis and mamas scratching their  head and running with a huge boulder to hit your PC’s screens, throw your mobiles down in disgust and some anti-peace things like that 😛 .

Fine, this post is about a Tambrahm Kalyanam…
Podhuva Kalyanam naale, nambalukellam nyabhagam vardhu is only Food-Bhojanam-Soru (Saarieee…chumma chonnen 😀 ) ….
Namba Tambrahms kalyanams la naraiya changes vandhuduthu yaa…seriously, siladhu laam paarka siripu daan varudhu….

Recently, I had a long chat with my friends…Appo daan indha pechu vandhuthu… KALYANAM patthi pechu….. One of my friend shared a link on FB, yaarodo kalyanathodu video….  The video was very well shot… nanna irunduthu… Fine, now coming to the thing I want to convey to all my readers  out here , it is about the new add ons to our regular kalyanam rituals and yeah, it is purely based on some hilarious things we witness during these functions.

1. Mehendi Function : Many pakkathu aathu aunties, mamis, akkas, mannis, chittis, periammas, athais ( how can I forget them) , thangais, etc gather around the bride, whose hands and legs will solely be the property of the lady who puts mehendi… Some people sing around and the little girls dance around…Mamis , aunties and athais whisper something within themselves and there will be an outburst of all the ladies laughing in a very awkward way…. No, not the regular kekepeke laugh…this sounds more like a mixture of owl’s hoot, hyena’s bark and a cat’s meow…. 😀 😀  The to-be bride’s younger cousin stands beside her, holding a mobile onto her ear, and this to-be bride’s amma feeds her saapadu… paavam that girl can throw her last tantrum to amma only on that day, but she will chamathaa eat the food her amma feeds 🙂 ( I find this cute ok! ). Anga Candid photographers verai…paavam, cleaning their costly cam’s lens off the mehendi, which just got stuck, while they were making their way through the gumbal, they try each and every trick to click a candid photograph of the bride and  just end up clicking pix of mamis posing like as if they are dancing and some mamis pose with their hands on their flabby hip ( Unmaiya daan sollaren.. I am not scared) :D.

2. Sangeet : While the Mehendi function is strictly for women, the Sangeet is common for friends and family…Ellarum Ekta Kapoor serial la irukara Hindi Mama and Mami madri heavy heavy ah jaga jaga nu worked dresses potundu, sila per thalai la thala pa (oops turban) kattindu varuva, adhuvum in very humid places like Chennai …. Paiyan um Ponnum oru mukku la ukandhindu vedikkai pathundrupa, again, in jaga jaga Ekta Kapoor serial costumes. While the mamas get to feast on chaats and such NI snacks, Mamis are busy dancing, singing, taking selfies and yes, stealthily eating masala puris 😉 . The to-be Bride and Groom also put a few steps with their friends and cousins…Ellarum nanna sapdrache, iva mattum pasiyoda vedikai paarkardhu daan enaku vedikai…. 😛

Nischayadartham, MaplaiAzhaipu , Vradham, Kalyanam ellam namba style la daan nanna veduppa agum..no doubt…Idhula nambal ku daan naraiya comedies teriyume, so naan adha sollalai….

3. Reception : Inga daan sema comedy eh varum…. Ella gents um Black and White la iruppa… Coat-suit, Blazers, some guys even in office formals, with their ties on..Edho England la Tambrahm Kalyanam la irukomo nu oru ddoubt varum 😛 Even worser, some high school going boys are dressed in formals, and they team up their stinking school socks with the sports sandal…. You can see men in Ralph lauren, tuxedos, hush puppies shoes, who never forget to wear the Pattai or thiruman or atleast a chanda kuri on their forehead, they are so much in formals that you cannot differentiate between the food servers and mamas .
Ofcourse, I have nothing to speak about mami’s dress sense….   You can spot them wearing their Kanjeevaram Pattu podavai tied in a Gujju style…. Right from the Bride to the 70 yr old mami, are dressed up like this, ofcourse, with a lot of vazhinjufying lifshtick. Ingayum mamis laugh very peculiarly…. Young girls and boys ( mostly with an aatu dhaadi, kadukan in kaadhu, neatly combed hair and yeah, a chandana kuri or a thiruman or a small gobi chandanam on their forehead), pose with yo-yo hands , along with the bride and groom… Nadula Bride-Groom oda oru speech onnu , aprom, oru rendu moonu english romantic numbers ku dance….Mamis and Mamas shy shy ah engengiyo paathundu-thiruttu parvai paarpa, while the bride and groom kiss each other ( idhu verai, onnu ippo aarambichruku….I know, I am being too frank…Youtube laye video podarappo naan inga ezhudina enna? )  … Andha stage kizha oru 100 per line la ninnundu irupa, to wish with the bride and groom… I pity the poor couple…kaiya shake panni panni evalo valikumo…paavam 😦 . And finally comes the food, vidha vidhama sapaadu laam vechrupa…aal our people rush there to eat…. Water engiyo, roti engiyo, kaal kizha kozha kozha nu pasta onnu rendu ottikum…. Adhu ellam illama, indha photographers venum ne poi, anga sapdravaala , photo eduthu kalaaipaa…. Mamis and girls shy away from the camera, but still the photographers don’t leave them….. 😀

Finally, kalyanam ellam nalla badiya mudinju, ella pix um Fb la vandhu cherum… Ellam oru vedikkai daan… aana adhe samayam, namba Tambrahm culture like Ponga-saadham, Sumangali Prarthanai laam marakadengo…. It is fun if you blend the cultures together…. 🙂

Check out this link – I ended up crying watching the kanyadaanam thingy…

 

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P.S. I hold responsibility to the words only…. Pictures and Video have been suttufied 😀 😀