Pattu’s Wishes

Pattu's Wishes
Meenu’s New Year Wishes to all her readers
“Heyy Readers, I’d Like to Thank you all for your patience to read my blog posts and making me a celeb blogger, in just 7 days. I’ll make sure that my future posts will make you think, laugh and enjoy….¬†
I wish you all a Very Happy , Prosperous and Successful Year 2014″¬†
With Loads of Love, Regards & Namaskarams to all the Elders out there, reading, enjoying (ofcourse thittifying) my posts, 
Pattu Iyer/Chamathu Meenu (Naan Chamathu daan)

Comedy Kutcheri

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October – January (or even February sometimes) , the Kutcheri “Season” begins in South India and of course, my City – Hyderabad is one of the major Cities of Carnatic Rasikas…¬†
This write up is about the Hyderabadi Carnataca Sangeetha Rasikas. 
 
SICA , KALASAGARAM , SHARADA MANDALI , TAMIZH SANGHAM are the most common and oldest Carnatic Cultural groups in Hyderabad, where, most of the Carnatic Sangeetha Rasikas spend their 5 months of Winter evenings.  
 
Most popular Venues where the Concerts held are : 
  • Keyes High School – Secunderabad
  • Shivam – Shivam Road
  • Bharathiya Vidya Bhavan – King Koti¬†
  • Sringeri Sharada Kalyana Mandapam – Nallakunta
  • Ravindra Bharathi – Lakdi-ka-pool
  • Hari Hara Kala Bhavan – Secunderabad
 
Okay, let me tell you about the Rasikas first … I have classified them into the following categories¬†
  1. The Dangerous Rasikas¬†: First row seaters (Like First benchers in school)..How much ever costlier the tickets are, they buy them and sit there..These Rasikas are silent and¬†serious¬†(It¬†seems, they resemble your school’s strict principal) people, who keenly observe the musicians…so much that the musicians get tensed and start sweating and how much ever the musician is confident, he/she surely gets nervous due to constant staring and sometimes, these Rasikas carry a pen and a note pad, just to note where the musician did well and where they went wrong…And sometimes, they go and tell the musicians, straight away on their face about the performance (and if it was bad, you can just imagine the plight of the poor musician…he/she will have to face a firing from these Rasikas)…. I don’t really know if they are reporters to “The Hindu” or any other news paper / magazine…. I have heard that, they usually end up writing on Facebook or their Blog….
  2. The True Rasikas¬†: Middle row seaters (usually ok!)… These Rasikas are very good people and they just come to enjoy ¬†music… They never utter a word, except for praising the musician during the Awesome “Thani aavarthanam” or something like that… They have excellent knowledge of music, and are very simple people who don’t show off . They are the ones who know how to enjoy music and feel its divinity….these people never comment on anything..be it good or bad, they value the hard work and efforts put by a musician.
  3. The Partying Rasikas¬†: These Rasikas are seated everywhere and also keep moving around from one seat to another, laugh, giggle, comment, make “tchu tchu tchu tchu” sounds every now and then, clap, make merry, eat, drink, click photographs and celebrate like they’ve come for a party and not ¬†a concert… they totally lack etiquette and usually get scolded by the Musicians for their acts…
 
After the Rasikas, It is about what usually happens in a Kutcheri, at Hyderabad….¬†
 
  1. Fashion show¬†: Mamis here love to flaunt their “black” dyed hair , latest pattu saree, jasmine flowers (I wonder how they get jasmine flowers in the winter months, may be God sent), Diamond and gold¬†Jewelry¬† Charminar ke 100/- chappals (oops, stone studded foot wear) , Perfumes and they have ¬†unending discussions about all these…
  2. Group Discussions :¬†Oh My God! this is one of the most irritating thing, that gives me a reason to avoid Kutcheris… Mamis and Mamas talk (read as discuss) about anything and everything (even the third world war, if they get a chance)…
    For example-
    Mami 1 : “Heyy, do you know, the other day, there was water problem in our street and my neighbour Paachu mami’s husband developed Gas problem ¬†because they stealthily had pani puri from the Chaat wala at the end of our street..and I spotted them eating there (she says it with head up… very proud of her investigation..Hats off mami.. I say neengal FBI la irukanum actually paatha…enna pannardhu, inga vandhuttel)…
    Mami 2 (Wide eyed) : “Ohh..really?? I too heard that Pacha mama had developed acute Gas problem…It seems his farts are very pungent.. “Mami 3 : “Yeah..you know what, Gas problem leads to Air pollution it seems..my grand daughter did a project on air pollution the other day and she also won first prize for her project on Gas problems” (I feel like doing a million Facepalm)

    Mama (the only man among the 3 mamis, feels like a play boy… dressed in T-shirt and Track pants, with a latest smart phone) : “Oh Ladies! do you know, my grandson gifted this phone from Yoo Ess of Yae… See you can even click pictures , talk face-to-face to any one in the world, ask your grand children also to get one for you or your Husband…we can chat also you know.” (he clicks pictures from his phone to woo the mamis ¬†and also, motivates them to go and throw tantrums with their mamas and children to buy a similar phone)…

  3. Tablet Photographers¬†: The 40+ Professionals, dressed in formals, usually come to the concert directly from their office (they must have surely bunked a meeting and must have come here..neku teriyum ungala patthi)… As they don’t carry any cameras, they take out their Multi Tasking Super Gadget – The Tablet (bought during Thanks Giving from abroad) , remove its cover (To show off the brand – Usually Yaapil (apple) ) and start recording videos and click pictures… I don’t really know about the clarity of picture clicked from a 5MP camera of the tab, which has a lot of scratch and dust….
  4. ¬†Food Stall owners and Foodies¬†: More than the music, you get to hear “aah idly kudu paa, anga rendu plate bhajji… Andha amma ku kaapi sonnene..innum kudukaliya…evalo neram daa”… Discussions about the day’s menu and also you can hear an unending back ground music of crunching and munching behind your seat….
  5. The Dramatists, Mono Actors and Miming singers¬†: As soon as the musician starts his/her performance, you can also see people lip sing the songs (they feel like “naanga daan nijam musicians…stage la paadravaa laam chumma acting pannara), doing Tai-chi to the music, expressing the feel of music through their eyes ( as if we don’t understand what they are singing) and a constant “Tchu tchu tchu tchu..bhale..shabhaash…aaha aaha aahaa…” sound to the music. ¬†And some times you might have to wear a helmet to protect your head and nose from these people , as they might end up hitting you, when they “deeply involve” themselves into music….For Example :¬†The musician starts “Sa…” these people say “aahaa…” and the violinist plays “Toiiinnnnn” and these people give a very extremely superbly divine feel expression on their face.
  6. Parenting: ¬†New and young parents ¬†try to stop their infants from crying ¬†, Unending wails of little kids who usually pee on the chairs (yeah! its a fact boss – Involuntary Reflexes) , some kids who keep asking their moms or dads to accompany them to the toilet…some kids say “mummy choochoo ” and one more “amma urrrgeennt tatti”… And some ever Hungry kids who throw tantrums for chocolates or snacks and end up pulling the hair of the person seated in front of them (the only advantage of bald people)

  7. Stage attack ceremony¬†: As soon as the concert gets over, some people don’t even wait for the musicians to relax, they get up and head towards the stage and talk to the musicians, click pictures with their Tablets and some people pat very hardly on the musicians shoulder..so much that the pat sound can be heard till the exit gate.
Adding to all this, there are some in-built masala like rats playing hide and seek under your chairs, squeaky mikes and
worst- plastic chairs, bent to the core by the heavy weight of some ¬†Elephant mama….¬†
 
Over all, these 5 months are so much fun and also give bloggers like me, an opportunity to write…. Hats off to all the Rasikas….¬†
 
P.S : I am not responsible if ¬†you feel, you are one among the type of Rasikas I have mentioned…
kartoon-noisy
Mobile photography by Pattu
Mobile photography by Pattu

Ammaa Please………

Ammaa Please………

All Tambrahm girls, aged between 18-24 – Dedicated to you (Naanum daan dee maa…Avasthai padaren)

You reach 18yrs, firstly – mooku kuthividuva (#you know what I mean) , ¬†even after joining you in a Women’s college – No apidi ipidi friends, concentrate on studies, full marks, no hangout with friends at apdi ipditha edam [Apdi Ipdi means not Apdi Ipdi it means Pub (namma vaa laam andha peru chonnale vaaya ganga jalam la alambuvalaam) , Disco etc] .

19yrs – You work on college assignments and discuss over phone with friends for a long time. Suspicion ¬†nu one Shani kichi kichi mootifies… Parents ask – “Yaaruta ivalo neram phone la pechu vechu kadaku, poi vera velaiya paaru”, ¬†Though they have enormous trust in you, that Shaniyan Suspicion will still be there in some corner , kichi kichi mooting the mind…¬†Slowly Amma starts asking you to try your hand at cooking, help her with household work etc… You take it easily and aatify your thalai…. Pochu daa Bhagavaane…

20-21 yrs – Finally Graduate…. Inga when you choose to do your PG, anga all your sondhakaara mami-athai-sothai and all slowly poison your parents’ mind with their onnukkum kollaatha pullaigalz jaadagam…. ¬†Starting daan maa innum irukku….

Go to temple, go to functions, go for shopping, go to kaai karigaai market – Namma laam enga poromo, angalaam Mamis come and ask you “Enna maa Jaadagam eduthaacha?” , “ask your parents to talk to me” …

One mami shows her ‘America la edho loosu university la MS padikara, soda buddi and oru bomber jacket potunda Amul baby maadri burger saaptu kozhu kozhunu aana’ Paiyan’s pic on her ‘Thanks giving sale la vaangina American Iphone, and peethifies for long hours that he does Sandhyavandhanam,Cooks, adhu idhu and all, you feel relieved when the Iphone sings “Shuklaam bharadaram Vishnum” and mami says “Ippo daan daa Raagul unna pathi pesindirundhen”… Ayyo Podi maami nu one small feeling varum parungo…. Adhu mattum illama, more is there (more na not more, english more)…

Indha mamis odu name – Kalyani Mamis.

These Kalyani Mamis are so torturous and irritating yaa..enga ponaalum they dont leave you at all… You get so irritated that one day you’ll start Seviching Bhagavan from home, Watch your dear distant cousin’s kalyanam in the DVD … You start avoiding Namma vaa’s gathering completely.

22-22+ age – PG over, got a job, now what? Yeah adhe daan da kannamma, your parents nicely ask you “Kannamma, any apdi ipdi friends” you say “Chee no” .. Ok! They are over joyed and start searching matches for you… Your jadagam, pictures (one in saree, one in chudidaar, one close up picture, biodata (including the company you are working for and the salary you earn) will be available on the net and yeah, Jadagam will be circulated all over the world, while you are looking out for a better job opportunity, more than your CV being circulated among people, your jadagam will be circulated. You can see your parents peethifying about you¬†“En ponnu, MBA/MS/Edho oru PG pannirukka, kai naraiya sambadhikara, nanna paatu paaduva (Naan paada aarambichen na un kaadhe polinju poidum, paadatuma?) , nanna veduppa namma saapadellam samaipal(saaptu paarungo, 4 days bathroom laye camping pannuvel), podavai udithika romba pidikum (ayyo Ramachandra, ore oruka office la traditional day ku kattindadhu ma, adha poi…) , Adakam , odhukam, poojai , namasankeerthanam and carnatic music daan pidikkum, cinema elaam paakave maata (Cinema paaka maatena?? LOL) , Avalodu Jaadagam, profile ellame irukku andha Kalyanamatrimony la… number eduthundu paarungo” .¬† And they give your complete details, at times your FB or Twitter page link also.

Jaadagam out na Life eh out daan….

You cant wake up a little late on Sundays, instead, you are asked to wake up early, put kolam, take bath early. Wake up late and you can hear “Ennadhidhu, ivalo late ah ezhundukarai? Naaliki mamiyar aathuku poi ivalo late ah ezhundha mamiyar aathula ellarum enna daan blame pannuva” . ¬†Amma please, innoru 5 nimisham thoongarene? No , nothing doing, wake up and work!

If you are a little on the heavier side, Govindaa…. Food restrictions – You cant gorge on yummy sweets and splly. chocolates… Go to a grocery store with your mom, pick up a nice bar of chocolate and put it in your trolley without amma’s notice, at the billing counter you’ll listen to a sound lecture about looking fat in the pictures and guys may reject you or even worser, “Kalyanam anneki, nee dan ponnu, pakkathu aathu ponnu illai dee, Madisar la nee Madisar kattinda gas cylinder maadri irundha ellarum kai kottindu chirippaa dee, engala daan blame pannuva” , Seri maa, ok, naan chocolate eh thoda maaten janmathula… Sadly I place the chocolate back, but if its already billed, you get to eat one small chunk and the rest of the bar goes to some random mooku ozhugara , kurumbu, (cute) kozhandai of some random relative, whom your parents praise in front of everyone for their skills of rendering Twinkle Twinkle little star flawlessly. And they ¬†say “Nee aadhum chocolate chaapdu daa kanna, Indha kaalathu Children baah,diet diet nu oru chocolate kooda saapdardhullai, paaru, en ponnu oru chinna piece daan saapta, naanga indha vayasula enna chocolate saapdardhu”, while you stand there smiling sadly ¬†with enormous Vayar Erichal that your fav chocolate is going away from you.

Daily classes on Saree Tying, Properly Talking (Yaa apdi nu onnu irukku) , Perfect Namma aathu samayal etc…

You will learn to eat Parikka also coz “Mamiyar aathula Paarikkai daan samacha, adhu daan saapadanum, illena janmathuku patnee daan” .

Sing “Functions ku pona, Amma and Mamiyar oda peru ¬†kaapathanum, so anga atleast oru Gowri Kalyanam aadhum paadanum

Poojai pannanum, madi, echil, vethu,pathu, sothu nu paakanum “Mamiyar aathula aacharama iruppa, adhinaala, ippo lerndhe practice” ¬†

Attend namma vaa’s gatherings ¬†“Kalyani mami vaango attack, ozhunga pesanum, saree uduthindu daan varanum, see periyava, fall on their kaalu and they bless you ‘vegam kalyanam varattum’

#As if we are so desperate to get married,konjam engala free ya vidungo baa ”¬†

Beauty treatments , you get one pimple on your face, firstly all your little oily food intake will also be stopped, next your amma, mami, chitti, athai, sothai and all will give you ‘Beauty tips’ “Mukhathula manjal poosiko, kadalai maavu thechuko, malaai potuko kaarthala” #Innum konjam solla vitten naa mukhathula chakkarai, nei laam potu mysore paak thechuko, ahdellaam yen, mukhathula kadalai maav, manjal, molagapodi, uppu , garam masala potu bhajji poda soleeduva – Your Face Bhajji…¬†

Adhu pathadhu nu ; Weekly facial – Herbo-chemical facial…¬†#En moonjiya paaka kandippa edho monkey daan varum, Why maa so much of paisa waste on looking beautiful un necessarily??¬†

No stupid haircuts or hair styling- Yen nu kepel nu neku teriyum…adhuku oru big soga kadhaiye irukku… ” Sudden ah kalyanam fix aachu na, ponnu paaka vandha, paithyam aatama step cut pannindu, thalaiya virichi potunda naa, podi nu sollitu poinde iruppa…Apdi irundha yaaru di unna kalyanam pannipa?”

#Ayyo, adhu verai nu you dont cut your hair and instead, you ennai thechu pinni potufy your hair…Mind you, no Kudhrai vaal (Ponytail) also.¬†

Everytime your amma speaks, suddenly the topic changes to “Mamiyaar” or “Maamiyar aathula” or “What if your Ambadaiyan”…

Amma please.., yen, edho mukham teriyaatha mamiyar and ambadaiyan pathi, ella paechayum link panni pesarel, ¬†we will surely keep up your peru, ippadi laam dont thittify or restrict our saapadu, (splly. chocolates)… Time vandhappo we will adjust and live upto your expectations… Aathula irukara konja naal as your daughters, we want to be pampered…life la iruka ve irukke naraiya… ippo vendaam…please”

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Adhu ongalukke teriyume
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Kalyanathula, namba laam ippadi daan iruppom – Madisar udithinda Barbie bommai maadiri